Great!!! Hilary Duff is on Tinder!

Everyone I know is on Tinder. Everyone I know does it! That type of logic used to work back in the day but I may need some more convincing at this "young" point in my life. It actually makes me laugh that I would even think about anything like that. Posting pictures of myself with my interests for boys to judge. Fuck that! That's my job! I "nope" the boys! They don't "nope" me! I can't even handle the thought of rejection and it hasn't even happened.

Why is this such an odd subject for me?? People meet new people every damn day. Not me though....unless you are at my job, the preschool I drop Annabelle off at, Aly or Craig's garage, Austin's or the Jazzercise....we are not going to meet. Ooooohhhhh. Maybe that is the problem. I mean to be honest, I have met plenty of guys at Austin's and I shall leave it.at.that.

I have not been in a relationship since 2013. Two years of working on me. Letting it be all about me, worring only about me and doing whatever I want. It has been glorious. I have a hunch though that I just haven't met the right person. I'm getting closer to deciding that when I do, am I going to let them in? Oh, because I forgot to mention I have some commitment issues. In general. Right now the journey isn't finished on the inside because I still think I know what I want: what I can't have and what isn't good for me! What I do know now is that shit never works. #learninglessonslikeaboss

I have been like this my entire life. I don't know who to blame yet but when I figure it out....they better run, but also stop for a minute to let me thank them cause I like me....but then they better run like hell.

My longest relationship to date was one of my biggest life lessons learned. I met him when I was a baby. 23 years old. He hung the moon in my book. Real hearts popping out of my eyes. We were total besties. I learned so much from him. He also made me more confident, braver and bolder and I love him for that. We are still friends and that makes it even better. What I learned from that is I need someone who is strong enough to be with me.

When I was young, I had no idea what I was doing (unlike now.....) and I pushed away good guys who genuinely liked me. I shudder now when I think of it. How does that even happen? What exactly has to be going on in my brain to be all "Oh wow! You are sweet, now go the fuck away, please." Fast forward a few years (20) and my new saying is "I'm on sabbatical"...or "I'm taking a break" which is short for "hmmmm, you look like you could fuck my shit up, now go away but maybe not, wait, I can't decide." And that my friends, is PROGRESS!

I still have no clue what I'm doing but I am well aware I'm not the only one. I'm awkward. I don't know when someone is flirting with me and I am a bad flirt. I get panicky around guys I like and clam up which is the total opposite of me. I may talk a big game but I'm still 17 on the inside but the God's of Love have gotten me this far in life and I have learned a lot....so I'll take it!

So maybe in like 4 to 6 months I will be ready to take a look at the dating pool. Maybe not. Maybe I will just become famous instead. That plan sounds waaaaay easier. All I know is Hilary Duff is on Tinder...

All The Love,
Jenn Edens